When I started this blog, I was reading a lot of fiction, and thought that a lot of the entries here would be reviews about the books I read. Indeed, some of the posts are about some books I have read.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, I seem to have buckled. And the problem seems to run deeper than the all-too-easy (even though it's oh-so-real) excuse of real life. Which sucks, but if there's a will, there's a way, right? And it's not as if I haven't been reading books, because I have (even though I'm now practically buried in readings and cases, I am still somehow able to read other happier stuff).
Let me do a bit of introspection (actually, considering that I am already posting this blog entry, it must mean that I already did) concerning this matter.
I remember once posting a blog entry on a blog I was required to do in a class last year. I remember that it was a free-for-all entry, and I had quite the difficulty in thinking of a topic. So, I blogged about it--my difficulties in blogging.
In that entry, I somewhat talked about pressure, about some topics that might not make the cut in some circles of mine. My problem here is somewhat similar. Maybe, like a favorite heroine of mine, Rose Hathaway of Vampire Academy, I have a high expectation of myself, that if I'm going to a write a book review, it better be damn good, and this thought is really scary.
Another is that I fear that if I write, what I write will not be good enough for the book that I'm writing about. This happens especially when I love the book that I'm going to write about. I put a lot of pressure on myself, I know, but I can't help it. Not just because of me, but because of the book. Oh dear.
Lastly, maybe it's just because, well, I'm overthinking. It's not as if I'm a professional blogger nor am I a book critic, but I'm thinking and pressuring myself into expecting a book review of mine to be at par with such.
And so, now that I have vented (and seen how utterly ridiculous my concerns can be), I will proceed to bang my head against the wall and maybe get to finally writing book reviews.
But hey, if you have any advice for me, I could really use it. How do I get over such issues?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Distraction: Looklet
When you have something really important and urgent to do, that's when distractions show up. This is something that I have learned in my life (so far).
So in the course of the past few months, as I was exploring this whole new world of postgraduate schooling, a lot of distractions have cropped up.
These distractions can actually be deadly for me: if losing focus on a normal week can already have dreadful effects, then just imagine being distracted on an exam week! It can lead me to a definite breakdown. It has happened at least once already.
Even now, typing this blog entry, is a distraction in itself. It's a way for me to fool myself that I am not simply lying around doing nothing, when in fact it's pretty much the same as doing nothing since I am evading the tasks that I am supposed to do.
As the title suggests, one of these distractions is Looklet. Don't know what Looklet is? Well, as my friend put it (and I totally agree), it's like playing paper dolls. It's just online, which means more dress choices, model choices, and even background and effects choices! And just to get it out of the way: I LOVED playing with paper dolls.
Which makes it unsurprising, that I'm hooked. Really. Even if I'm not that much of a fashionista, it's still fun to play dress up. And since I love make believe stuff, it helps my imagination work. And well, I'm a girl. I love clothes, even if it doesn't show in real life. Haha!
If it still isn't obvious why it's a distraction, well, when you keep Looklet open, you see clothes, and sooner or later you'll get struck by an inspiration or a look that you just have to achieve somehow. Whether it's through randomly surfing through the stuff, or just a spark of inspiration, when you get to actually trying to achieve that look, it might take some time. Hence, it's a full-blown distraction. Really dangerous.
What's the catch for me? Well, if you look at my sample "looks", they're not really much to look at. I'm not good at creative stuff, and it shows. But my idea of creating looks is something that I'd want to wear, so I don't really experiment. Still, I get to create looks that will probably never be put together or worn by me in real life. So really, it's a playground for me.
And here are some of the "looks" that I've created (I like them, but I probably won't do this in real life, especially the second one! Hahaha):
I know you can do better than this, so why don't you get distracted on this site too? Unleash the fashionista in you! It's at http://www.looklet.com! Enjoy!
Oh, and of course, this post won't be complete until I thank my dear friend Cielo for introducing me to this distraction. It's deadly, but it's fun! Thanks love! :P
And with that, I go and slave away over work I've put off for much, much too long. Too long for my own good. Ah, Looklet, you kill me. With those killer boots. Tsk.
So in the course of the past few months, as I was exploring this whole new world of postgraduate schooling, a lot of distractions have cropped up.
These distractions can actually be deadly for me: if losing focus on a normal week can already have dreadful effects, then just imagine being distracted on an exam week! It can lead me to a definite breakdown. It has happened at least once already.
Even now, typing this blog entry, is a distraction in itself. It's a way for me to fool myself that I am not simply lying around doing nothing, when in fact it's pretty much the same as doing nothing since I am evading the tasks that I am supposed to do.
As the title suggests, one of these distractions is Looklet. Don't know what Looklet is? Well, as my friend put it (and I totally agree), it's like playing paper dolls. It's just online, which means more dress choices, model choices, and even background and effects choices! And just to get it out of the way: I LOVED playing with paper dolls.
Which makes it unsurprising, that I'm hooked. Really. Even if I'm not that much of a fashionista, it's still fun to play dress up. And since I love make believe stuff, it helps my imagination work. And well, I'm a girl. I love clothes, even if it doesn't show in real life. Haha!
If it still isn't obvious why it's a distraction, well, when you keep Looklet open, you see clothes, and sooner or later you'll get struck by an inspiration or a look that you just have to achieve somehow. Whether it's through randomly surfing through the stuff, or just a spark of inspiration, when you get to actually trying to achieve that look, it might take some time. Hence, it's a full-blown distraction. Really dangerous.
What's the catch for me? Well, if you look at my sample "looks", they're not really much to look at. I'm not good at creative stuff, and it shows. But my idea of creating looks is something that I'd want to wear, so I don't really experiment. Still, I get to create looks that will probably never be put together or worn by me in real life. So really, it's a playground for me.
And here are some of the "looks" that I've created (I like them, but I probably won't do this in real life, especially the second one! Hahaha):
 |
| For some reason, I really like this look. Although, does it seem gloomy? Hahaha |
 |
| If I'd somehow get a pair, I'd wear the boots, but the dress? I highly doubt it. But it looks nice, right? |
Oh, and of course, this post won't be complete until I thank my dear friend Cielo for introducing me to this distraction. It's deadly, but it's fun! Thanks love! :P
And with that, I go and slave away over work I've put off for much, much too long. Too long for my own good. Ah, Looklet, you kill me. With those killer boots. Tsk.
So Fast, So Slow
I thought I'd be able to update my blog at least once a week, but here I am, updating only a week before finals. The passage of time has been very weird, to say the least.
I've already mentioned before how I realized I've been taking time for granted, and how I experience the passage of time more than ever. When you're in class dreading to be called, even an hour or two can be so excruciatingly slow. Or when trying to read up or make an assignment for a subject, the same one or two hours can be so fast!
Even now, the passing of weeks feels slow and fast at the same time. On the one hand, coming to this point-last week of classes (I think, haha)-seemed to have come so slow, as I remember the struggle that it took to get through even just one week, or even one day. On the other hand, however, I'm quite surprised that it's almost finals already. It feels fast, too. And yes, that's kind of weird.
It gets weirder when I think about how at the beginning of the year, I was still a senior struggling to finish my thesis and graduate on time. Now, I'm struggling to finish the first sem of my first year. It's a bit unsettling, although not necessarily unpleasant.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to whatever is in my brain. Hopefully I get everything in order. Because it's finals next week!
This is just the beginning of the last, crazy part of the ride. Fighting! Hahaha
P.S. Hopefully, this broke the stagnation that has been my blog. LOL.
I've already mentioned before how I realized I've been taking time for granted, and how I experience the passage of time more than ever. When you're in class dreading to be called, even an hour or two can be so excruciatingly slow. Or when trying to read up or make an assignment for a subject, the same one or two hours can be so fast!
Even now, the passing of weeks feels slow and fast at the same time. On the one hand, coming to this point-last week of classes (I think, haha)-seemed to have come so slow, as I remember the struggle that it took to get through even just one week, or even one day. On the other hand, however, I'm quite surprised that it's almost finals already. It feels fast, too. And yes, that's kind of weird.
It gets weirder when I think about how at the beginning of the year, I was still a senior struggling to finish my thesis and graduate on time. Now, I'm struggling to finish the first sem of my first year. It's a bit unsettling, although not necessarily unpleasant.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to whatever is in my brain. Hopefully I get everything in order. Because it's finals next week!
This is just the beginning of the last, crazy part of the ride. Fighting! Hahaha
P.S. Hopefully, this broke the stagnation that has been my blog. LOL.
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Potency of Words
Sole. Shall. May. Involving. Either-or.
What are these random words, you may ask?
Well, these random words have enough power to make or break someone's life, determine someone's fate, and drive an innocent student like me crazy.
Being a graduate of a degree in organizational communication, I already have an idea of the power words have. Words can convey a variety of different meanings, which can influence people in different ways. Words, when used properly, can have a really profound effect.
Still, sometimes you think you know something, but really, you don't.
During undergrad, whenever I used to recite, even if I don't have a shred of idea of what the topic really is about, a little bit of common sense and listening to the discussion are enough to get me by, and get me by with flying colors at that.
However, it's not so simple anymore.
Substitute may for shall? You're turning something mandatory into something permissive. Omit the word equally? You won't progress in your discussion. Don't know the possible meanings of the word sole when placed beside the word judge? Someone might just lose his case. Can't defend the proper use of either and or? A community might just lose its land. And a law student might just about go crazy reading 400++ pages worth of arguments.
Whenever we start our morning worship service in church, the different classes in our Sunday School will shout out different short statements that sum up their lesson for that day. Something like a motto for the day. We call it our "word power."
Indeed, words are very powerful.
What are these random words, you may ask?
Well, these random words have enough power to make or break someone's life, determine someone's fate, and drive an innocent student like me crazy.
Being a graduate of a degree in organizational communication, I already have an idea of the power words have. Words can convey a variety of different meanings, which can influence people in different ways. Words, when used properly, can have a really profound effect.
Still, sometimes you think you know something, but really, you don't.
During undergrad, whenever I used to recite, even if I don't have a shred of idea of what the topic really is about, a little bit of common sense and listening to the discussion are enough to get me by, and get me by with flying colors at that.
However, it's not so simple anymore.
Substitute may for shall? You're turning something mandatory into something permissive. Omit the word equally? You won't progress in your discussion. Don't know the possible meanings of the word sole when placed beside the word judge? Someone might just lose his case. Can't defend the proper use of either and or? A community might just lose its land. And a law student might just about go crazy reading 400++ pages worth of arguments.
Whenever we start our morning worship service in church, the different classes in our Sunday School will shout out different short statements that sum up their lesson for that day. Something like a motto for the day. We call it our "word power."
Indeed, words are very powerful.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Jinx and Realizations
This always happens. I say I'm back, then I disappear right after. I write in my diary that I think I finally can be consistent in my entries, and then I forget writing for a year. It's as if I jinx myself. Actually, maybe I do?
So perhaps I should give a little explanation as to where I went after I've said my thanks and that I've finally finished my undergraduate degree. Emphasis on finishing my thesis, because I really don't understand sometimes how I was able to do it, especially now that I look back on it.
But that's not the point. The point is that, it's done, right? I'm supposed to have a lot of time in my hands now. Or at least be able to focus more on this blog now, and maybe have a job or other exploits that I can talk about. But I was completely silent. And well, other than laziness (which is a big factor), there is actually a reason.
The thing is, I'm studying. Yes, I'm still studying. Or maybe, I'm studying again. But the point is, I'm studying!
What in the world-?!
Yes. That's quite my sentiment too.
But the fact is, to a certain extent, I'm actually having fun. But don't misunderstand me. This is one hell of a challenge. A level up, let's say. Old habits are not welcome anymore; new ones are needed, or else you'll never survive. The feeling right now is as if everyday is examination day. And I'm thinking, if that's how a regular class day is, what on earth will the actual exam day look like?!!
Anyway. Now that I've established what has been happening in my life, maybe I could go on to some effects this "level-up studying" has on me so far. Actually, I just want to enumerate some of the things that have taken on a different value for me ever since I started this postgraduate activity.
1. Sleep.
I have known the value of sleep ever since my thesis-making days/nights (Why do those days seem so far away? Barely a year has passed!). But even then, I was still able to sleep for as long as more than ten hours after I pull an all-nighter for a project or for my thesis. After graduation, sucky internet connection has turned me into a nocturnal, with weird sleeping habits, or just a weird body clock. But if you count the hours of sleep that I get, it's still quite a lot.
But now? Sleeping for 8 hours straight is a sin, and falling asleep when you're not supposed to, even if it's for just around 2 hours, induces guilt. Now, sleep has taken on a different meaning: a) it's the enemy, and b) it's a precious, precious thing. Oh how I miss having the freedom to sleep when and for how long as I want to.
2. Time
This is quite connected to sleep, but it is so much more than that. During undergrad, time was just...time. Sometimes I'd go to school, and go back home feeling as if nothing really happened, and I just passed time sitting in class, listening to the lecture. Some days I feel as if I just let time pass.
Now, time matters. A lot. Two hours, which felt like, well, two hours, before, can now feel like forever. That is especially true when you're on your feet, hoping and praying that your recitation ends (and that somehow you still get a decent grade no matter how poor your answers seem to be). Nine hours can seem so short when you have a mountain of readings to study.
And, even one day can feel like heaven if you get to rest and enjoy yourself without feeling guilty about it.
In short, now, I don't just let time pass. I actually experience its passing. In the good and the bad way.
3. Leisure reading
Oh, how I miss the days where I can choose what I want to read it and read in a way that I want to. In one night, or maybe take it slow if I want to do so. I was actually building up my list of stuff to read by the time summer vacation was ending.
Now, however, I have a growing mountain of readings. I have no choice but to read them, and I have to read them ASAP. Not doing so has consequences (consequences that I have already experienced). I'm not saying that I don't like what I read now, in fact, they're very interesting, but now, I can't afford to just read. I have to read critically, more than I have ever done before. Because in the future, it can really be a matter of life or death. That's not even a joke.
4.Opportunity
There are things that you just realize, whether you want to or not, whether it happens on your own or not. I know that maybe there is someone out there who's better off in my position, and yet this is how things happened. It's really an eye-opener, and gives a whole new meaning to why I'm here and what I'm supposed to do.
5. Society
I mean this in the "friends and family" way. Studying like this entails being a hermit of sorts, and the effect is that sometimes I just thirst for some good old chat with friends. This is something that might be taken for granted on a regular day, but it really is something to value.
6. Study habits
Do I really have to explain this?
Change, from what I've heard, is really a scary and uncomfortable thing. And yes, it is quite scary. And uncomfortable. This new venture is also very tiring, and has lots of implications. It's time to get really serious, no matter how difficult it is. Still, change can be good, especially if it is not simply about learning something new, but actually getting a new perspective, and forming and reinforcing a lot of values.
Hopefully, I don't jinx my first semester. Fight!
P.S. Do you like Scribbles' new look? ;)
So perhaps I should give a little explanation as to where I went after I've said my thanks and that I've finally finished my undergraduate degree. Emphasis on finishing my thesis, because I really don't understand sometimes how I was able to do it, especially now that I look back on it.
But that's not the point. The point is that, it's done, right? I'm supposed to have a lot of time in my hands now. Or at least be able to focus more on this blog now, and maybe have a job or other exploits that I can talk about. But I was completely silent. And well, other than laziness (which is a big factor), there is actually a reason.
The thing is, I'm studying. Yes, I'm still studying. Or maybe, I'm studying again. But the point is, I'm studying!
What in the world-?!
Yes. That's quite my sentiment too.
But the fact is, to a certain extent, I'm actually having fun. But don't misunderstand me. This is one hell of a challenge. A level up, let's say. Old habits are not welcome anymore; new ones are needed, or else you'll never survive. The feeling right now is as if everyday is examination day. And I'm thinking, if that's how a regular class day is, what on earth will the actual exam day look like?!!
Anyway. Now that I've established what has been happening in my life, maybe I could go on to some effects this "level-up studying" has on me so far. Actually, I just want to enumerate some of the things that have taken on a different value for me ever since I started this postgraduate activity.
1. Sleep.
I have known the value of sleep ever since my thesis-making days/nights (Why do those days seem so far away? Barely a year has passed!). But even then, I was still able to sleep for as long as more than ten hours after I pull an all-nighter for a project or for my thesis. After graduation, sucky internet connection has turned me into a nocturnal, with weird sleeping habits, or just a weird body clock. But if you count the hours of sleep that I get, it's still quite a lot.
But now? Sleeping for 8 hours straight is a sin, and falling asleep when you're not supposed to, even if it's for just around 2 hours, induces guilt. Now, sleep has taken on a different meaning: a) it's the enemy, and b) it's a precious, precious thing. Oh how I miss having the freedom to sleep when and for how long as I want to.
2. Time
This is quite connected to sleep, but it is so much more than that. During undergrad, time was just...time. Sometimes I'd go to school, and go back home feeling as if nothing really happened, and I just passed time sitting in class, listening to the lecture. Some days I feel as if I just let time pass.
Now, time matters. A lot. Two hours, which felt like, well, two hours, before, can now feel like forever. That is especially true when you're on your feet, hoping and praying that your recitation ends (and that somehow you still get a decent grade no matter how poor your answers seem to be). Nine hours can seem so short when you have a mountain of readings to study.
And, even one day can feel like heaven if you get to rest and enjoy yourself without feeling guilty about it.
In short, now, I don't just let time pass. I actually experience its passing. In the good and the bad way.
3. Leisure reading
Oh, how I miss the days where I can choose what I want to read it and read in a way that I want to. In one night, or maybe take it slow if I want to do so. I was actually building up my list of stuff to read by the time summer vacation was ending.
Now, however, I have a growing mountain of readings. I have no choice but to read them, and I have to read them ASAP. Not doing so has consequences (consequences that I have already experienced). I'm not saying that I don't like what I read now, in fact, they're very interesting, but now, I can't afford to just read. I have to read critically, more than I have ever done before. Because in the future, it can really be a matter of life or death. That's not even a joke.
4.Opportunity
There are things that you just realize, whether you want to or not, whether it happens on your own or not. I know that maybe there is someone out there who's better off in my position, and yet this is how things happened. It's really an eye-opener, and gives a whole new meaning to why I'm here and what I'm supposed to do.
5. Society
I mean this in the "friends and family" way. Studying like this entails being a hermit of sorts, and the effect is that sometimes I just thirst for some good old chat with friends. This is something that might be taken for granted on a regular day, but it really is something to value.
6. Study habits
Do I really have to explain this?
Change, from what I've heard, is really a scary and uncomfortable thing. And yes, it is quite scary. And uncomfortable. This new venture is also very tiring, and has lots of implications. It's time to get really serious, no matter how difficult it is. Still, change can be good, especially if it is not simply about learning something new, but actually getting a new perspective, and forming and reinforcing a lot of values.
Hopefully, I don't jinx my first semester. Fight!
P.S. Do you like Scribbles' new look? ;)
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